


After The Fall (and Other Things)

by danaascuully



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 12x23 coda, Domestic destiel, First Kiss, Fluff, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Other, Smut, burn the trenchcoat 2k17, canon!verse, cas comes back!, human!Cas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2018-12-23 22:31:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11999283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danaascuully/pseuds/danaascuully
Summary: Hello! This is a coda for 12x23. I have no idea how long this fic is going to be or what direction it will go in but... There will be porn, just wait, Ok? Also fluff, lots of fluff.Dean is depressed while Cas is "dead" just fyi.





	1. 1

Dean hadn’t come out of his room for two days apart from to grab another bottle of whisky and go to the bathroom. The little stubble that normally covered his chin and jaw had turned into a 5'oclock shadow. The only sensations he could feel were the constant, sharp headaches, which no matter how much Aspirin he took wouldn’t stop or even calm, his exhaustion which didn't improve even though he slept most of the time, and the dull ache that spread across his chest. He sat, his back propped up on his bedroom wall, half a whisky bottle in hand and his laptop on his knees playing another episode of a show he no longer cared about. Dean brought the bottle to his lips. For a few years his alcoholism had gone down, but now… Now it was as bad as after hell, if not worse. As he put the bottle back down there was a sharp knock at the door, interrupting the quiet buzz of Dean's computer.  
“Dammit Sam, go away.” Dean croaked out his voice hoarse from lack of use.  
“No, Dean I’m not leaving until you let me in or you come out. I know you haven’t eaten anything since Cas died. I know you’ve only been drinking, I checked the drinks cabinet and at least two bottles of whisky are gone Dean. This isn’t healthy.”  
“Who ever said I was fucking healthy, Sam?” Dean stared at the door, his normally bright green eyes blank and unfocused.  
“Dean, please. You’re the only person I have left besides Jody. So please open the door and we can talk this through.”  
“No, Sam.” Dean fiddled with his laptop charger. Sam tried the door, it wasn't locked, he took the chance and pushed it open, even though Sam knew he’d inevitably be yelled at. He walked through the door and saw the mess of Dean’s room. There were various empty bottles lying on the floor, at least seven beer bottles and the two whisky bottles, plus the other bottle in Dean’s hand.  
“Get out.” Dean spat the words.  
“No. I need to talk to you about this.”  
“Sammy, I’m warning you, get out.”  
“And Dean, what exactly are you gonna do? Throw a bottle at me? Swear at me, what Dean?” Dean picked up his whisky bottle and hurled it at the wall next to Sam. It had landed a few feet from the wall and spilled onto the cream carpet, soaking through it.   
“Dea-”  
“No Sam, no. I’m not letting you help me. I’m fine. Just go away, please…” Sam reluctantly left Dean, shutting the door behind him. He walked through to his own room and picked up his phone, scrolling through the contacts looking for Jody’s number.  
Dean was still sitting propped up against the wall. He dragged himself over to his phone and looked for Cas’ number. It rung three times and went to voicemail.  
“This is my voicemail. Make your voice a mail.” A tear ran down Dean’s cheek, splashing down onto his phone screen.  
“Cas, I’m, I’m so sorry… I miss you. I need to see your eyes again. Please just come back. I never told you that I loved you back, I’m so sorry Cas… I love you. I miss you.” His voice caught in his throat and he passed out cold on the floor.


	2. Chapter 2

“Hello, Jody, you there?” Sam spoke quickly into his phone.  
“Yup, Sam, what’s wrong?” Jody had the Mom voice on after she had heard Sam’s worried tone.  
“It’s Dean. He hasn’t eaten for two days, he’s only drunk beer and whisky and he won’t leave his room. It’s all since Cas died. He looks crap and honestly I’m pretty damn sure he feels crap.”  
“Wait, Cas died? Jeez, I never met the guy myself but from what I've heard about him it seems like he was a great guy. Claire will be devastated, for both of them that is, Dean is like a Dad to her.”  
"Jody, could you do me a favour and maybe not tell Claire about this? I don't think it's a good idea right now, because you never know with us hunters."  
"Sure. You guys are at the bunker right?"  
“Yep.”  
“Well, I was on a quick hunt about 20 miles off there and I was thinking about dropping by anyway, and this whole Dean/Castiel thing just adds to reasons I should come by."  
“Oh God, thank you so much Jody, just get here quickly please.”  
"I'll be right there, Sam, just stay put."  
"Sure, see you soon." Sam hung up and walked back through to Dean’s bedroom, and found him passed out, his phone next to his hand, still recording a voicemail. Sam clicked off the voicemail, without checking the number. He picked up the neglected bottles and took them away to put in the trash. He went back and shook Dean by the shoulder.  
“Dean, Dean?” Sam rolled his eyes, he really did love his brother and understood what he was going through but still... “Dean, dammit get up.”  
“W-sit Sammy is t impornt?” Dean mumbled into the carpet. “If is not leave me alone…” A small pile of drool had culminated under Dean’s face.  
“Dammit Dean, you need to get up, Jody’s coming.” Sam tried to turn Dean over but Dean lazily batted his hands away.  
“Why’s it matter that Jody’s coming, anyway?” Dean questioned, still lying face down.  
“Because she’s coming to see you.” Sam answered and watched for Dean’s reaction. He sat bolt upright and Sam could see red imprints on his face from the carpet.  
“What no, why’s she coming to see me? I’m fi-” It was just then that Dean vomitted up a mix of whisky, beer and bile onto the floor. The flavour sat in Dean's mouth and he grimaced. Sam bit his lip and rubbed Dean’s back.  
“Come on, dude.” Sam grabbed Dean’s arms and hauled him up onto the bed.  
It was about ten minutes later when Jody arrived, to find Sam finishing cleaning up his brother’s sick and Dean lying on his bed talking incomprehensible gibberish. Jody sat down on the bed next to Dean. She stroked his hair and surprisingly Dean didn’t object.  
“Honey, what’s happening?” She asked him. He didn’t reply apart from saying more gibberish. “What can you feel?” This time Jody did get an answer.  
“Nothing, Jody, I feel nothing.” Jody knew this though. “You can’t feel anything apart from pain through the stages of grief, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Dean, you've gone through them quickly but it appears as though you're stuck in the depression phase.”  
“Jody, please, please just leave me alone.” Dean pleaded.  
“No. I know how it feels to lose someone, a loved one. I know what you’re going through. I know what it’s like. And doing… Doing this won’t help. Dean, you’ve gotta eat and not just drink. I know you don't want to talk but you need to.”  
“I’m not leaving this room Jody…” Jody shook her head and stood up off the bed.  
A while later she came back, bowl of soup and glass of water in hand.  
“If you won’t get your own food, I’ll bring it to you.” She set the soup down on the bed. Dean sat up sluggishly, and took a spoonful of soup.  
After Dean finished the soup Jody began a sentence but Dean cut her off.  
“I don’t want to talk. I just want to sleep…”  
“Okay, I’ll leave you for now, I’ve gotta get on the road back to Sioux anyway.” Jody left and Dean lay on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Eventually  he drifted to sleep, though it was filled with nightmares of Cas’ death. 


	3. Chapter 3

It was the middle of the night when Dean awoke. About three am he guessed. He sat up in the bed and tiredly ran his fingers through his unkempt, greasy hair. He sighed and quietly slipped out of bed, into the cold and pitch blackness of the bunker. He padded barefoot through to the bathroom, careful not to walk into anything on his way.  
Dean tried to get back to sleep but he couldn’t, instead he just lay there, tossing and turning thinking about what Vonnegutt book to reread next. He wasn't bothered enough to do anything, let alone get up and cook. After a few hours he heard Sam getting up. Six am. Dean finally got out of bed and opened his door to see where Sam was. He was going to the kitchen. Well, obviously. Dean thought to himself, as he watched Sam. He followed him at a distance through to the kitchen. He had gotten up. Dean Winchester had finally left his bedroom not to pee or get alcohol. When he arrived in there Sam looked at him and dropped the carton of milk he was holding, the contents running across the floor. His mouth opened then shut but nothing came out.   
“Sammy.” Dean said, his voice hoarse from little use. Finally Sam summoned some speech.  
“Dean.” That was all though. Dean sat down and quietly watched Sam fix some bacon and eggs for the both of them. The smell made Dean’s stomach rumble and his mouth water greedily but he could hardly muster the motivation to eat. Though after some coecering Sam got Dean to eat something, the smokey taste of the bacon slowly consumed  
Dean, making him less on edge.  
“Y’know Dean, we’ve really gotta get on this Nephilim business. We hardly have any idea were he is.” This was the first time Sam had brought up Jack since the night of Cas's death. Dean's heart caught in his throat.  
“No. Sam. We don’t know what would happen and I really would rather not see anything to do with goddamn Lucifer.” Dean argued, back on edge, all guns raised.  
“Dean, it hit me hard too. But we have to go through these sort of things. It’s kind of in the hunter job description. “Get your loved ones killed or kidnapped for free” y‘know.” Sam rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.  
“Sam… Y-you don’t understand Cas he… He wasn't just my friend.  
“He was a brother… He was a brother to me too Dean.” Sam said sympathetically.  
“No, Sam. I've got to tell you something, okay? It's sort of something really important that I want you to listen to." Dean's leg jiggled up and down, a nervous tick in his otherwise calm body.  
"Okay."  
"Well... Sam, I don't know how to say this because well it's big but... I'm bisexual and I-in love with Cas..." Dean's voice shook a small sob coming from the back of his throat. Sam smiled slightly, only the corners of his mouth perking up.  
"I know." Sam said softly, trying not to scare his brother. "I've seen how you look at guys, how you look at a lot of people. It's fine. I'd pretty much sussed it out about Cas as well."  
"Oh, okay." A weight had been lifted off Dean's shoulders. Sam got out of his chair and went in to hug a still sitting Dean.  
"Thanks Sammy." Sam drew back and smiled easily at Dean. Sam cleared his throat.  
"But anyway we need to talk about Jack or the Nephilim or whatever we're calling him. He could be a threat, he may not be. It's a fifty fifty chance on everything about him." Dean breathed in, pushing his thoughts and worries to a side.  
"You got any leads?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm sorry about how short my chapters are, they will probably start to get longer soon but not riiight now. Thank y'all for reading anyway.


	4. Chapter 4

"Leads?"  
"Yep Sammy, you know, leads? Like I don't know, electrical storms?"  
"Uh, yeah, yeah, I have some leads. Fort Collins, Colorado, power outtages and an excessive amount of locusts have been spotted."  
"Well, lets get going then. It only takes about 6 1/2 hours to get there so lets go. We'll be away a few days." Dean hammered on, oblivious to Sam's facial expressions of concern.  
"Uhm Dean... I'm not letting you come with me, I need you to stay here. I want you to do some research on Nephilim."  
"Oh come on Sammy, it was you who wanted to go find Jack, you ain't going if I ain't going." Sam gave Dean a bitch face.  
"Plea-"  
"No."  
"De-"  
"No."  
"Come on Dean, just stay here, you'll get your precious alone time and won't have me on your back for a little while." Sam grinned inside. Caught him... He thought to himself.  
"Okay, fine. Fine!"

After Sam had left with the impala, Dean went for a walk through the bunker. There were a lot of places he’d hardly spent any time in. Some none. He went down to were they had tried to keep Crowley throughout the whole human blood/Gadreel ordeal. He opened the door and sat down at the worn chair. Looking around he could still see a few spots of blood in the room. Dean sighed and picked at the edge of the wooden table and began to speak.  
“Crowley, man, I miss you. Y’know how we started off as enemies, I mean you were a bit of a dick. Always were though. Really though, I apprieciate what you did the last couple of years, mostly. When I was a demon you stayed with me, even though I know you didn't want to, and hell! We even got lucky with the triplets. I’ll never forget that night. Best sex I’ve ever had… I know you were doing the right thing when you sacrificed yourself that day. Though it didn’t shut the portal soon enough. Though I’m not gonna blame you for Cas’s death that would be a total dick move. No, that’s all on Lucifer. Though I could put Lucifer’s return on you, I’m not gonna. I couldn’t do that to you. I couldn’t do that to anyone.” Dean’s eyes welled up and a single tear slipped down his face, showing little emotion, he stood up out of the seat and wiped the tear away before leaving the room. Even though he knew no one would see him cry.  
He went quietly through to the room of the bunker that held the various ingredients that were useful for spells. He scanned the shelves, looking for the a jar of waxsyrup. He found it on the top shelf and took it down, setting it on another shelf which was empty and pretty much covered in dust. He opened the jar and reached up to another shelf for some djinn venom and a spoon. He put some of the poison onto the spoon before dropping it into the bottle of waxsyrup. Combined, they created a dream like reality but unlike just solid djinn venom it made it appear that the things happen in more of a spectral way, making it appear that a person or thing is in your own reality instead of a coma induced unreality. Dean carefully mixed the venom into the syrup, adding a little as he went along, until the mixture was a pale brownish colour. He took a small swig of it, overpowering sugary sweetness coating his tastebuds, the world turning fuzzy for a moment and a strange warmth rushing over Dean. He looked across the room, dizzy and saw the figure of a man standing in the doorway. 

Dean walked up to the figure that stood in the doorway, their facial features soft in the dim light of the storeroom.  
“Cas, is that you?” Dean's voice wobbled.  
“Hello, Dean.” Cas’s gruff voice echoed quietly. Dean’s breath hitched. Hearing Cas’s voice properly, it shook him. Dean stared into Cas’ deep blue eyes, for once they looked clear, no pain, no secrets were behind them. Dean dragged his fingers down Cas’s stubbled jaw. Cas smiled widely, filling Dean with joy.  
“Y’know, I never really saw you smile like that…” Dean gripped Cas’s shoulder tightly, not unlike how Cas had when he raised Dean from perdition. Cas nodded and in turn clutched Dean’s hip. They were mere centimetres away from each other, still gazing into their eyes. Dean drew Cas in, softly sinking into a scratchy kiss, Dean could feel the warmth of plump lips against his own, a beautiful sensation. They stayed like that for a few of seconds until Cas drew back. Dean looked back to Cas. Apart from it wasn’t Cas, he could tell from the devilish smile and the dead look in his eyes. He tilted his head staring at Dean. The last trace of Cas flickering away.

“Lucifer.” Dean whispered, the word sticking in his throat.  
“I’m back again Dean, back in your wittle boyfwiend, aren’t you guys just the cutest? It seems your little “spell” if I could even call it that has well, truly messed up. You just put a little too much djinn venom in there. Tut, tut, tut.” Dean stared at him, nothing was sinking in.  
“Helloo? Dumber, are you still in there?” Dean snapped into action and grabbed an old knife off the shelf behind him, swinging wildly at Lucifer.  
“Ooohh, because that’s definitely going to do something to a hallucination!” Dean swung the knife again at Lucifer, cutting through air as he dissolved and reappered behind Dean.  
“You know this really is only a hallucination, a hallucination in your fucked up mind, just like Sammy! But he was much more fun to play with!” Dean lunged at Lucifer again, missing by mere millimetres. Lucifer’s hand reached out; then everything went black.

“Dean, Dean! Wake up dammit!”  
“w-wha Lucifer, het the fuck away frm meh.”  
“No, Dean, it’s me Sam! Your brother.” Sam shook Dean’s shoulders.  
“Ooohh, Sam, right, how are ya doing Sammy?” Sam rolled his eyes and started to lift Dean up.  
“Come, on…” He heaved Dean up against his shoulder, he was practically dead weight.  
After a couple of hours, Dean had come to.  
“Dean, what happened? I was gone for three days then when I come back I find you unconscious on the floor and God knows how long you’d been there!“  
“It was right after you left, I took waxsyrup and djinn venom…”  
“Dean, what the hell?! You could have died! Or worse!”  
“I know, but does it really matter? I just wanted to see Cas one last time.”  
“Dean… I found something while I was looking for Jack, which by the way nothing came about from. It was just a few demons.”  
“Sam, what was it? I don't care about demons.”   
“It was uh, a news story, reporting the sighting of a trenchcoated man wandering near this border.” Sam said the words slowly, letting them wash over Dean.  
“Okay, we need to go, we need to go now!”


	5. Chapter 5

Dean practically leaped into the Impala, starting it up and nearly driving away without Sam in shotgun. Adrenaline coursed through his veins, ecstatic about the fact the Cas had been spotted. He quickly left the bunker, unceremoniously clumsy with Baby. 20 minutes that was how far away from Cas he was. 20 measly fucking minutes.  
Dean jumped out of the car, onto the hard dry ground. He glanced around, as though he would instantly find Cas. He ran off, Sam shaking his head and hurridley following Dean. Dean pushed through the bushes that peppered the ground, his eyes trained downwards in case Cas had passed out from the heat. It took about 10 minutes to find Cas. Lying on the ground, crushing parts of some dead bushes, his normally pale skin red and dirtied. The sun beat down Team Free Will as Dean leaned down to check Cas’s pulse and breathing. Dean’s eyes glistened with unfallen tears.  
“Sammy.” He choked out. “Sammy, he’s still breathing.” Unnoticed tension released from Sam’s shoulders.  
“We gotta take him home.” Cas’s trench coat was in dirtied tatters, well beyond repair. Dean leant down to pick Cas up, a worried look on his face as he came in contact with Cas’s sunburnt skin. It was hot, far to hot.  
“Hurry, hurry.” Dean muttered more to himself than Sam as he heaved up Cas’s unconscious body bridal style. He walked back to the car, Cas in his arms, sweating heavily.  
“Sam, can you drive?” Sam looked at Dean in surpise but nodded and slid into the driver’s seat as Dean placed Cas down in the back seat and sat beside him. Dean removed Cas’s trench and began to unbutton his shirt.  
“Dude, what are you doing?” Sam said, starting up the car and pulling away from were it had been parked.  
“Sammy, come on you went to Stanford.”  
“For law Dean.” Sam rolled his eyes.  
“Yeah, yeah whatever. I’ve got to get him cool.” Sam nodded and looked up at the rear view mirror and cringed as he saw how bad Cas was. His skin that had been in the open was red and peeling, somehow looking worse against the seats of the Impala. Where he‘d been stabbed by Lucifer there wasn't a wound to be seen.   
“Hey Sammy, you got some water?” Sam reached down next to his seat, not taking his eyes off the road and throwing a bottle of water back to Dean. It was warm but good enough for now.  
“Thanks.” Dean bit his lip and poured some off the water out onto his palm, most of it dripping onto Baby’s seats. He dropped the water in his palm onto Cas. Cas flinched slightly but didn’t wake up. Dean decided to pour the water directly onto Cas, this time he saw Cas’s eyes flicker behind his eyelids.  
“Come on buddy wake up…”

They arrived back in the bunker after 20 minutes of trying to awaken Cas but to no avail. Dean lay Cas down on his own bed. Sam stood behind, Dean, staring at Cas.  
"Come on Sam, what are you doing? You gotta get cold water for him..."  
"Okay, okay." Sam snapped out of his gaze, leaving the room. He came back with a sponge and a basin full of water, then left for his own room. Dean dipped the sponge in the cold water and began to dab Cas’s forehead with it. Cas sighed in his deep sleep. Dean continued down the angel (or ex angel, Dean wasn't sure if Cas's grace remained) body with the sponge. Just above Cas’s navel his eyes flickered.  
“Cas, buddy you there?” Cas’s eyes opened fully and looked up at Dean.  
“D-Dean?” His voice was scratchy and quiet. “What happened? My grace… It’s gone.”  
“Y-you died again…” Dean said, tears in his eyes.  
“I died…” Dean nodded at Cas.  
“But you’re back now so-”  
“Dean, my skin hurts, I’m hungry and I need to drink something.” Typical pissbaby Cas… Dean grinned and went off to get Cas some water and fixed him some PB&J while the ex angel replayed the events of that warm May night in his head.  
“Dean…” Cas groaned and sat up on the bed, he glanced around the room, noticing the mess and the puke stain. “Dean.” He said again softly. Dean set the food down on the bed, where Cas grabbed it and immediately began to shove it in his mouth.  
“I’m so sorry, Cas…” Tears began to drip down Dean’s cheeks. He rubbed the tears aggressively away.  
“No, Dean… Stop…” Cas pulled him in for a hug, Dean sank into it, leaning against the other man’s burnt, bare skin.  
“Don’t apologise for what happened to me, don’t apologise for anything.” Cas pulled back and held Dean back at arm’s length and stared at him. “Never apologise for me.” Dean smiled for a second.  
"How 'bout we get you back in your own room, k? It's getting late anyway." Dean rolled his eyes at himself internally.  
"Okay." Dean swore he detected a flicker of sadness in Cas's voice but decided it was probably just his imagination. Cas rolled off the bed and stood up wobbling slightly.  
"And um Cas..."  
"What is it Dean?"  
"You gotta get some more clothes."

After a while of going through Dean's clothes, Cas had picked out some things, a couple of old band tees (Black Sabbath and Def Leppard), two pairs of jeans and a jacket.  
"Oh and there's also something else you might need." Dean glanced down at Cas's crotch before looking back up sheepishly.  
"Underwear?" Cas tilted his head and squinted his eyes at Dean.


	6. Chapter 6

Dean lay on the soft memory foam of his mattress, staring at the chair that sat in the corner of his room. The chair that Castiel watched over him from. Dean played over all the things that Cas had done for him in the last 8 years. Cas had given everything for him, rebelled against heaven, killed his brothers. All of it for him. Initially he hadn’t liked Cas “watching over” him in his sleep but now… It was something of a comfort, someone to be there with him. There had been times where Dean and woken up in cold sweats from nightmares then Cas would get him to talk about it. Dean smiled to himself in the dark. Now you get to take this guy who has killed his brothers and destroyed heaven, underwear shopping. Dean stifled a laugh… The great powerful Castiel, underwear shopping. There was a sharp knock at his door.  
“What is it?” Dean said to the door.  
“Dean are you okay?” Dean rolled his eyes, but not in a mean way and slid out of his bed and opened the door to see a shivering Cas standing outside the door, clutching a pillow to his chest.  
“Yes, I’m fine.” There was a long silence as the two men stared into each others eyes. “Do you want to come in or uhm something?” Dean rubbed the back of his neck, hoping Cas wouldn’t see the blush that was crawling up his face in the dark. There was another long while.  
“Dean, I can’t sleep. And it’s cold.”  
“Cas really, and how long have you been standing out there?”  
“Not long.” Dean raised his eyebrows in disbelief.  
“Really, not long Cas?”  
“Fine, fine! 20 minutes.” Cas said sheepishly. “Can I come in?” 10 minutes later, Cas was lying in the bed beside Dean sound asleep. Dean’s body was as stiff as a board, he was in fucking bed with Cas. Even if Cas didn’t understand that this was romantic, well at least to Dean, it was something. Luckily Cas wasn’t wrapped around Dean and for that he was grateful. Dean couldn’t dare get too comfortable with Cas, as he doubted that Cas wasn’t straight.  
It was the next morning and Dean woke up early to find Cas practically on top of him, his hair fluffy with bedhead. Dean smiled and lay there for a moment contemplating Cas’s face. Big eyes, blue as the sky, a perfectly pointed nose, plump rose petal lips and those cheek bones… He rolled Cas off himself slowly, hoping not to wake him before getting out of bed.  
Dean placed three plates of homemade blueberry pancakes on the table, Sam was already sitting down.  
“Dude, should I go get Cas?” Oh fuck if Sam went to get Cas he would find out he was absent from his own bed and lying in Dean’s bed. Not that Dean wouldn’t want his brother to know he just didn’t want Sam to get the wrong idea.  
“No, no it’s fine he’ll be here any second.” Dean smiled exasperatedly and at that moment, Cas came through the door, wearing Dean’s bath robe.  
“Uh, morning sunshine, some coffee, pancakes?” Sam raised his eyebrows at “sunshine” Dean wasn’t exactly being subtle but it was unlikely that Cas would catch on. And also why the hell was Cas wearing Dean’s bath robe? His mind wandered down to the gutter then immediately shot back up.  
“Sure.” Cas sat down in the seat next to Dean. “Thank you Dean.” Cas smiled at him, the first time Dean had seen a smile from Cas in a long time.  
“Guys, right we gotta get on the Nephilim, Jack could be anywhere. We don’t know what he can or could do. We gotta find him in case anything bad happens, he’s Lucifer’s child and he could be the key in getting Mom back.” Dean nodded as he ate the pancakes. He swallowed.  
“Yeah, ok, but I gotta take Cas shopping for some new clothes, I gave him a couple of tops and some jeans but they’re not nearly enough for a hunter.” Cas smiled again at Dean addressing him as a hunter.  
“You gave Cas your clothes… You know what nevermind. Just take Cas shopping, I’ll do some digging.” Sam smiled knowingly. These morons are gonna be the death of each other, Sam thought to himself.  
Dean guided Cas through the quiet clothes store, it was only small but one Dean frequented, Benn’s Clothes. It was cheap but good quality.  
“So, Cas, what do you need?”  
“I believe you said I needed underwear.” A breath caught in Dean’s throat, he had completely forgotten about that.  
“Yeah, yeah, underwear… Well you’ve got your boxers, briefs, boxer briefs, midway briefs, trunks or jockstrap, thong and string if you’re feeling kinky.” Dean said hurriedly, why the fuck did I bring that up? He thought.  
“Dean… May I ask you what kind of underwear you wear?” The side of Cas’s mouth twitched, there was a gleam in his eyes.  
“What kind of underwear I wear?” Dean’s voice wobbled and his dick twitched in his jeans, he hoped to God that Cas didn’t see.  
“Yes Dean, what kind of underwear you wear.” Cas’s voice was deep and quiet, he stared into Dean’s eyes.  
“Boxer briefs or uh panties, once… Well more than once.” Dean’s voice was barely a squeak. What the fuck is wrong with me? Does Cas have some kind of invisible lasso of truth like Wonder Woman? The thought birthed new thoughts, Cas in Wonder Woman’s clothing. Fuck. Cas with nothing apart from the lasso. The boner that was forming in Dean’s own underwear swelled.  
“You recommend ‘em…? Panties?”  
“Maybe not on you… On me.” What in hell is wrong with you Winchester.  
“Oh really? Anyway, I still don’t know what to buy, what do you think would be best for me?" Dean flinched slightly, did Cas just lead him on then... He didn't want to think about it what had he been doing even saying those things? Who seriously brings up wearing panties to another guy in the middle of a fucking store?  
"Uhm. Uh..." Dean was blushing again thinking about below waist. "I mean it really depends on what you want."  
"Dean, please."  
"Uh, boxers or boxer briefs? I really don't know I'll uh take you to look and you can choose I guess."

Finally Cas picked out a pack of three boxer briefs which consisted of two black pairs and a yellow pair. Dean's boner still hadn't gone down completely.  
"You still need some more stuff, a new suit, some shirts and you can probably get some other stuff and you can borrow my stuff whenever I guess."  
"Thank you Dean."  
"No uh problem." Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and pulled him in for a hug. Fuck, fuck, fuck... Dean was still a bit hard. He felt Cas's body against his, warmth radiating and something else... It was nothing Dean decided. They walked around the store some more and picked up a new suit, a pale blue nearly white tie, some flannel shirts and pyjama bottoms.

"Thank you, Dean. You didn't need to do this for me. I'm fine wearing your clothes. In fact I like wearing them they smell like you."  
"No, no you need new clothes it's fine really." They drove in silence for a few minutes, the only sound coming from the radio which was playing the mixtape Dean had made Cas. "What was that about back in the shop?"  
"What?"  
"Uh the panties thing..."  
"Oh that." Cas blushed slightly, or was it just Dean's imagination? "It was nothing." Cas shifted uncomfortably in his seat.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this isn't a chapter but I don't have the the time today to write properly and this was just something that popped into my head.

Dean lay in silence, thinking about the past day. Cas, panties, an actual lead on Jack that Sam had found when him and Cas had been out. It was almost certainly Jack, blonde hair, yellow eyes, a load of weird things happening to electricity, who else could it be? Dean turned over on his side to face Cas, who was again staying in Dean's bed, the sole reasons being he was cold and couldn't sleep. If it had been anyone else Dean would just have told them to get another blanket and wear something warmer. But this was Cas, newly human Cas. "Hey buddy, you still got your phone?" Dean hoped that Cas didn't because then if he still did, he would hear the message Dean had left him. Dean's confession of love. "No, it got destroyed then lost..." Cas replied sleepily, his voice low and sweet. "Ok." Dean turned back over to face in the other direction, before he could get settled he felt a body shuffle up next to him, arms wrapping around himself. Cas. Dean melted into the embrace, heat inveloping him. This could be more. He thought to himself.

Cas pressed into Dean's body, embracing him from the side. Cas smiled in the dark. He wondered if Dean knew what he was doing, he wondered if Dean knew he knew what these things mean. That was probably the only reason Dean was letting him do these things. He never would let Cas do these things if he knew he knew. Cas wanted Dean. Cas needed Dean. Cas loved Dean but how long would it be until he found out that Dean felt the same things back?


	8. Chapter 8

Bang, bang! That was the only sound Dean could hear, bullets flying out of his and Sam's guns. They'd found an operation between some demons and a vampire nest. Somehow together they had managed to kidnap Jack. Silver bullets flew. But where was Cas? That was the only thought going through Dean's head, Cas. Cas. Cas. If he'd gotten hurt... Dean shook the thought from his mind to see a demon coming straight towards him, he whipped out the demon knife and stabbed it in the neck, it died with a satisfying tschhc. Dean ran forward ducking through some more demons, stabbing them in the back, he was still carrying his shot gun. Sam was handling some vamps. But still where was Cas? Dean cleared the last couple of demons before he was met by a horrible sight. Cas was lying against a wall, a huge gash in his leg, blood was seeping through the dark fabric of his jeans.  
"Cas." The word was almost non-existent. Dean's whole body turned numb. He didn't even care that Sam was still fighting vampires. He just sat down next to Cas.  
"Dean... Help please, it hurts..." Dean grabbed Cas's left shoulder pulling him close to his own body.  
"It's okay, it's okay, you're okay. Come on." Dean's voice shook as he pulled Cas up still clasping onto his shoulder. They where a right pair. Two broken, dirtied, fallen men, bloody from the fight. Dean had abandoned his shotgun on the ground where Cas had been. They went over to Sam who was finishing off a final vampire. Cas wrapped his arm around Dean for more support, leaning into him.  
"Cas, are you okay?" Sam looked at Cas's wound worriedly, his jeans where slick with blood.  
"Sammy, what do you think? I gotta take him to the car, just go get Jack, I'm pretty sure he's close enough and there aren't enough monsters left to be a big threat so go find satan's bastard and I'll get on Cas." Sam nodded and Dean gave him the demon knife.

Dean and Cas where back at the impala, Dean was rummaging through the back of the car in search of the first aid kit. He slid into the backseat of the car next to Cas.  
"Cas you gotta take your jeans off if I'm gonna sterilize and stitch this wound." Dean was staring at Cas's legs. Cas's legs... Okay, he thought to himself. Just act straight, you've been able to all this time so why fuck up now? This isn't the first time Cas has been hurt and I've had to help him with his wounds. The thoughts circled his mind like hungry sharks. Act straight. Don't fuck up... He opened the first aid kit and began to do the procedure to fix Cas's leg wound. Concentrate on the wound. The wound, the wound. Not those lovely legs. Not the fact that Cas's jeans had been shed and know all that he was wearing on his lower half were the yellow boxer briefs he had bought. The yellow underwear that held an obviously erect dick. Oh fuck. Cas looked down at his crotch blushing in horror. Dean began to fix the wound. Cas winced in pain. Dean was still softly touching Cas's injured leg. The moonlight filtered into the car, setting an almost romantic scene. Dean leaned in to kiss Cas, his hand drifting up from his leg to Cas's face and just as their lips are about to collide, Sam angrily pulled the driver's seat door open, ruining the moment.  
"No Jack?" Dean said, blushing and looking at his feet.  
"No freaking Jack, as soon as I found him he disappeared to God knows where!"

They drove back to the bunker in silence, awkward between Cas and Dean but angry between Sam and them. Cas still hadn't put his jeans back on but that was probably for the best as they where bloody and ripped. Though he had moved so Dean could no longer see his crotch. Dean's hand lay neglected on the seat next to him. A large space between him and Cas lay tension that could be cut with a knife. Dean sighed in sadness and stared out of the window at the rain that had suddenly decided to pour down at 11pm in May.


	9. Chapter 9

For the first time in two days Dean was lying alone in bed. He tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep. He thought of the past events of the day, Cas's leg, the lack of Jack and of course the nearly kiss. Why did Sam always have to appear at the most inopportune moments? Dean knew he didn't mean to. Almosts and missed chances occupied his thoughts that night as he lay cold and alone, pleading for a body next to him.

Cas lay completely still, trying to ignore the what had happened earlier. The cold sheets covered his body, goosebumps popping up on his arms. A dull pain was occupying his leg. He pleaded for a body next to his. His thoughts reeked of shattered moments and forgotten chances.

It was the next morning and there was still tension. Sam had relaxed though he was still mad about Jack's disappearance. He noticed the tension and apprehension that hung in the room.  
"Did something happen last night while I was away?" Sam had no idea how something to make this much tension could happen in 15 minutes of absence, but little did he no it could.  
"No."  
"Yes." They replied in unison and them immediately started staring at their breakfast again. Sam raised an eyebrow. He wasn't sure he wanted to know what had happened.

It was later that day and they had just pulled up to a motel in Nebraska. Sam had managed to drag them on a simple ghost hunt even though Cas was still injured. They entered the lobby and met the sight of a small woman of about 23 sitting behind a rather battered wooden desk. She was staring at her phone and typing quickly, a small grin on her face.  
"Uh, hi?" Dean tapped on the desk, trying to get the woman's attention.  
"Hm, what?" She replied, still smiling at her phone.  
"Are there any free rooms?"  
"Huh, free rooms?" She finally drew her eyes up and glanced around and let out a small "oh" as though she had forgotten she was working. "Yeah, we've got free rooms. A double and a single, right?" She said smiling at Cas and Dean who where standing in front of Sam. They froze in shock apart from Sam, where a small grin was growing from the corner of his mouth.  
"N-" Dean couldn't quite get the word out, so Cas replied for him.  
"Yes, that's fine, right Sam?" Sam nodded and the girl smiled at them quizzically.

They had paid and where walking to the two rooms when Sam finally said something.  
"I didn't know you guys are together together!" Dean blushed bright red.  
"Together together?" Cas feigned confusion and tilted his head.  
"Like going out together!" Sam smiled widely. Dean just shook his head and thought about how cute Cas looked. He was wearing one of Dean's Led Zeppelin tshirts and his hair was all tousled.  
"Shut up Sammy." Dean said, his face still red.

Dean and Cas sat awkwardly on the bed, which was heart shaped due to the normal hella weird motels. Dean slowly unpacked some of his stuff, looking over at Cas every now and then who was just sitting on the bed doing nothing.  
"Hey, buddy, you okay there?" Dean asked.  
"Dean." Cas's voice cracked and Dean bolted up next to him.  
"Hey, hey it's okay, what's up?" Dean asked, hugging Cas to himself.  
"I'm so so stupid..." The events of the last couple of days replayed in cas's head.  
"No, no you're not."   
"Yes I am Dean! Don't you see it?" Dean shook his head and stroked Cas's hair, who was now leaning against him.  
"No, you're perfect I know you've made mistakes but hey! everyone does! I got the mark of Cain and that was all me!"  
"I know but..."  
"No but Cas. You're perfect and I don't care about what you've done or will do! You will always be perfect to me!" Dean pulled Cas back up and began to kiss him in the motel room, some dirty, smelly, random motel room, what a place for a first kiss. Dean stroked Cas's cheek and felt the stubble, felt the warmth, the humanity.  
"You're perfect and I will always love you."


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut warning. ^_^ Sorry for not updating, had a little writers block there.

That night they didn't let go of each other for even a single moment. They lay perfectly together like ying and yang in the heart shaped bed, the silken sheets consuming their form. They were finally comfortable together. Instead of tension there was softness in their bodies. Cas played the big spoon, holding Dean close to him, their hands joined. Dean the little spoon, inside Cas's grasp, his head nestled into Dean's neck, breathing slowly against it. It was peaceful, moonlight filtered in through the crappy pink motel blinds, giving the room a strange feeling.

The woke up early the next morning to early dawn light flooding into the room, a bird tweeting outside. Dean turned to Cas, who's blue eyes where fixed on Dean, a lazy smile on his face.  
"Morning sunshine." Dean said yawning, before pulling Cas in for a kiss that tasted of morning breath but he didn't care. They stayed staring at each other for a few moments, thinking about how happy they where to finally have given in.  
"Gotta get dressed, come on Cas." Dean got out of bed and started to change out of his t-shirt and underwear. Cas stared as he shed his t-shirt.  
"Uhm, you mind not looking for a moment?" Dean blushed and thought how stupid that was, what would it matter if Cas saw his dick? It was gonna happen soon enough anyway, well Dean hoped. Cas began to get undressed himself but stole a glance at Dean. Cas blushed as well, feeling a boner coming up. He could see everything. Cas averted his gaze. Though little did he know Dean had turned to Cas as he had to Dean. Know Dean could feel a boner as well because damn did Cas have a great ass. Dean groaned at the thought of Cas's ass and his dick. He didn't mean to groan but he did. Cas turned and raised his eyebrows but he was grinning too.

A couple of minutes later and Cas was standing in the shower, unsure of weather he should jerk off or if that would be immoral as the one he would be jerking off about was in the next room.  
"Dean!" He yelled at the top of his voice.  
"Christ what is it Cas?" He yelled back through.  
"Could you maybe help me with something?"  
"Sure!" Oh god what was Dean getting himself into and what was Cas even doing showering? He'd just put on clean clothes. Dean pushed the door open to see Cas standing in the shower, dick hard and huge. Oh fuck what had he gotten himself into? He let his eyes drift up to Cas's blushing face.  
"What do you need?" Dean said, shifting uncomfortably, trying to hide his own boner.  
"Could you help me with this?" Cas glanced downwards to his hard dick.

In a few seconds Dean was undressed, far more eager than he'd wanted to look. Cas slammed him against the wet tile wall, his lips colliding with Dean's. Their hard dicks rubbed together, lubricated by the water spurting down on top of them. Cas grabbed Dean's dick and motioned for Dean to do the same on him. He quickly jerked Dean's dick up and down, Dean's hand slipping off his own.  
"Fuck Cas!" All the erotic stories Metatron had zapped into his head showed him the way. He crouched down, cramped in the shower to Dean's dick. There was a bead of precome at the tip. Cas dragged his tongue up the length of Dean's dick, before putting the dick in his mouth. He played with it in his mouth, Dean yelling out.  
"SHIT CAS! I'm gonna come!" He jerked his head, hitting it off the wall behind. The come spurted out of his dick into Cas's mouth, which he then swallowed. Cas let Dean's dick drop from his mouth.  
"Now do that to me." Cas directed, his voice serious.  
"Okay." Dean croaked out the word, the experience was simply amazing, all the different sensations and emotions came together to form all sorts of passion. He crouched down, running his hand up the inside of Cas's thigh, the muscles quivering beneath Dean's hand. He cupped Cas's balls in his hand, stroking them with one finger, before dragging his fingers back to Cas's hard, wet cock. He put it in his mouth, letting it lie on his tongue for a moment, he then began to suck Cas off slowly, more gently than Cas had to him. He dropped it out of his mouth into his hand before jerking it until Cas came all over Dean.

They sat opposite Sam in the diner, now fully cleaned up.  
"So how was last night?" Sam smiled at the two.  
"Great." Dean replied a little to quickly and his eyes drifted to Cas.  
"Good." Sam grinned knowingly, something had definitely happened last night.


	11. Chapter 11

It was pretty blissful, hunting with Cas, even if his leg was hurt. He was a good hunter and had a lot of skill, logically and physically. He could think on his feet and be a badass mother fucker. Honestly, it turned Dean on a little, how Cas could effortlessly dispatch enemies with a knife. So far they'd gone on four hunts together since Cas hurt is leg. A ghost, a few demons, a freaking siren (Dean hated sirens) and a wendigo. The most fun out of them had been the Wendigo for sure.

To set the scene, it was dark, northern Minnesota and Dean and Cas where crouched behind a bush, staking the wendigo out, flare guns in hand. Sam had decided to leave them to it and pursue Jack. The pale moonlight shone through the branches above, the air was warm and smelled like midsummer. A twig snapped but it was only a fox, warily padding away from Dean and Cas. Cas was tense, his muscles bunched. Dean's hand had drifted over to Cas's and gripped it hard, Cas had relaxed slightly. They sat hunched, joined together for the next 15 minutes. A crunching of twigs interrupted the silence, as the wendigo emerged from it's den. Dean and Cas shot in synchronization, flames consuming the wendigo. Dean had smiled at that point, the childlike satisfaction of beating the monster swelling. Dean clasped Cas's hand. They had been lucky the wendigo had been clueless, even though it's senses where incredible. Dean turned to pull Cas into a quick kiss, but the kiss turned into a make out as they rolled over onto the leafy ground, dropping their flare guns down. Cas kissed Dean's neck, the salty taste of sweat didn't bother him, neither did the dirt. They lay there kissing and cuddling until they fell asleep, to tired to actually get up and go to the Impala. They had awoken early the next day, morning light bathing them in oranges and pinks. They lay on the ground for a couple more seconds before getting up, their muscles stiff from sleeping on strange things and in odd positions. Cas grumbled but Dean just laughed, he had done this once before, with one of the girls he had liked years ago, she too had been brought up as a hunter. The thought of her stayed in Dean's mind for a moment, what had her name been? Maria, that's what it was, a hunter girl from Mexico who had moved to America. She had never fit in with her family, never agreed with her family either. She reminded Dean a bit of Cas. Dean smiled and grabbed Cas's hand pulling both of them up off the ground.

Dean smiled at the memory. At the moment they where still on a wild goose chase for Jack though Sam had left again, leaving the bunker empty and Dean and Cas alone. Dean sat next to Cas, slowly drinking his beer, while Cas rambled about a guinea pig? At least that's what Dean thought he had said. He turned to kiss Cas, the taste of beer bolder together. Dean was happy. Truly happy in that moment.


End file.
